If you’re having a tough time in those early months, even things said with the sweetest of intentions can induce parental guilt. In some ways a new mother is as fragile and vulnerable as their tiny baby.
Let’s celebrate the things people have said that were actually helpful! They will be different for everyone but I bet there are some that are helpful for lots of new parents.
One of the cards we got when Leo was born really stuck in my mind. As well as congratulating us and saying how gorgeous Leo was, it read:
I hope you’re enjoying parenthood and there are more ups than downs.
That one sentence, amidst all the cards saying how excited they were for us and how we should enjoy this precious time, meant SO MUCH to me.
It was the kindest little reality check. No judgement was implied – just a simple wish for happiness and an acknowledgement that early parenthood can be hard yards along with all the joys.
Helpful thoughts and practical advice people have shared with me:
- This too shall pass (the good will pass, the bad too. So you may as well really be in this moment).
- We can only love others as much as we love ourselves.
- Make gratitude a daily practice.
- Give yourself permission to feel overwhelmed.
- Instead of putting your ‘parenting’ hat on, try just being yourself. It’s much more real and less energy.
- It’s hard work being a baby – they’re learning so much and exposed to everything new.
- You’ve got to be kind to be kind (rather than being cruel to be kind).
- Motherhood is a marathon not a race.
- Think about the sleep you’re getting rather than the sleep you’re not getting.
- Start making dinner in the morning.
- Say yes to whatever scares you most. Acknowledge it and then put your yoga to it. The fear will begin to shift and then you can see possibilities again.
- Holding on tight is the surest way of seizing up any real potential for growth and change.
- If something’s really not working then change it. Gently.
- Unless babies have a poo in their nappy there’s no need to change them in the middle of the night.
- Remind yourself that you’re doing great! (that’s the advice of our book).
In future posts I’m going to talk about some of the amazing people who have inspired me in my parenting (and inspired our book). I’m also going to write about the unhelpful things that people say to new parents.
What have been helpful things people have said to you? Please share the wisdom in the comments below!
